In baseball, the game begins after the umpire ceremoniously cries, “play ball”. It’s giving permission to start playing. The batter steps up to the plate and its off to the races. But what happens when it’s our turn to step up to the plate? We take our share of swings because it’s implied to do so. School, work, relationships, money, fun, etc. Maybe it’s just me, but the idea of  doing life solely based on punching the clock, paying bills and being dutiful, only to live for a little fun on the weekend seems dismal. Obviously we all have to work and have responsibilities, but is that all there is? To my core I believe we all have a longing inside us that insatiably calls out to us that we were meant for more. It’s as if things aren’t as they were meant to be and somethings missing. But what is it?

I think we catch glimpses of it when we’re doing the things that make us feel alive. For me, adventuring is usually what strikes that chord. Exploring in nature always fills my tank and resets me. But it isn’t just about nature. I get the same sense of adventure exploring different cities, finding new restaurants, having engaging conversations, learning new things, you name it. But what I’ve noticed in myself and others is the thing that gasses us up the most is when we’re doing things for others. Admittedly, I can be a selfish guy. But in the moments when I’m able to help someone, and see the impact of it, I feel way better than when I’m just self-indulging. 

We all need outlets and activities that feed us. It’s not selfish, is necessary. Something I’ve tried to focus on is being able to concurrently enjoy my life while helping others. It’s a process and I’m far from perfect, but I’m learning. An idea someone posed to me a while back offers a solution: engage in those activities WITH people. It’s not always about doing things FOR people, it’s also about doing things WITH people. In doing so it opens the door to help people discover the things that make them come alive, and allows you to help fuel that fire. Which in turn prompts them to do the same with others and so on. I think it should all happen organically. The second we treat people like projects, all bets are off. Which is why I make sure my own tank is full before I focus on someone else. 

So what are the things in your life that make you feel alive? Are the things you were once passionate about stale and you need something new? What are the ways you like helping people? Is it possible to use the things you’re passionate about to help others? Think about it, we don’t take action because we’re subconsciously plagued by the idea of waiting for permission. Instead of just diving in and taking a swing at the things we’d like to do, we often get inoculated by fears, “what if’s”, or having it all mapped out before we move. It’s like asking the umpire in the middle of the game for permission to take a swing, it’s futile. You’ll never know if you can play unless you step up to bat. Sure, you might strike out. But living with the “what if’s” is far worse. So step up and swing away.

“I will not spend the years depleted of my willingness to try.” – The heart is a muscle 

I came to a part in Matthew McConaughey’s new book, “Greenlights”, where he’s on an adventure of self discovery trekking through the Amazon when a life dilemma came to a head. He had just become a successful movie star and things were looking up, but some junk he had stored up in his soul had caused him to reach an impasse. He was feeling dejected and wasn’t a fan of the person he felt he was becoming. He reached the boiling point, but instead of imploding he hit the release valve which allowed him to internally clear the air, make peace with himself and restart. The result: it altered his perception 180 degrees. It freed him to view himself and life through a clear lens of gratefulness and optimism, without being haunted by the past or fearful of the future, and to be present to where he was, not where he felt he “should” be. I think that’s a universal dilemma we all face in discovering the people we’re becoming.

A while back I listened to a TED talk where the speaker talked about how our neurological pathways are like tire tracks in the mud. For example, when we choose to do a certain behavior, it’s like we’re driving a truck through the mud. As we go, we make tracks and if we continuously do the same thing over and over, a simple track turns into ruts. Over time it becomes a subconscious action to naturally drift into those tracks, behavior and thinking. It becomes programmed. In this case, the same goes with how we view the world and ourselves. We live in a world where status and possession are elevated above all. There is a constant striving that is insatiable. This is something i’ve wrestled out for years. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s good, necessary for us to push the limits to advance and grow and be the best versions of ourselves. Living life through a lens of being comfortable in your own skin, grateful for what you do possess and what you have already accomplished, shifts our life experience from feeling burdened, to feeling more clear, energized and free.

I wear a Whoop fitness monitor on my wrist. It biometrically tracks all my fitness, sleep, workouts, recovery etc. It also tracks your HRV (heart rate variability). A friend of mine mentioned how HRV is tied to your central nervous system and is affected by things like stress. Point being, I’ve noticed that when I’m in a healthy place, internally, my HRV levels are better. But when I’m stressed or thinking negatively about myself or the world, my HRV levels are junk. I add that to prove this idea isn’t just some hokey nonsense that’s designed to just make everyone feel good. If you know me, I’m a bit too blunt for all that. Science shows that being healthy internally is a major factor in our overall health. 

For better or worse, we’re constantly growing and changing. The theme of this blog, is to explore what it means to “become”. It is a circuitous journey. It’s a winding road of variables, experiences and influences. Becoming means embracing who we want to be and where we want to go. Becoming means responding to life and life responding back to us. Sometimes like buying sunglasses, we have to try on a few pairs to see which lens fits us best. So my challenge is for you to do the same. Spend some time investigating how you’re actually viewing yourself and life. Get brutally honest. You might not like a few of the things you see at first, but like in basketball, a little pivot can put you in a completely different direction. Above all, give yourself some grace. You might not be where you want to be, but you’re a far cry from where you once were. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and as one of my favorite authors, Bob Goff, says, “we’re all in a process of becoming”. Cheers